I’m having a really hard time, sharing my thoughts. I work horribly in groups. I am unable to converse with a group of people on a thought or idea. Maybe this was the reason why my elementary school teachers always scolded me whenever we had to work in groups because I always choose to work by myself. I think better when i’m in my own bubble. However, I learn better when I’m the listener in a group of people.

The thing that I fear most about bible study is when we have to divide into groups. I always dread group discussions because I would be the only one not talking. Always the one having nothing to say.I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up before I am no longer welcome in any groups.

I am sad. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. I don’t know what it is but I hope to find out soon.

Sitting there and enjoying my meal and just listening, it was interesting to see them plan MY 21st birthday even when they don’t even know when it is. Who knows, maybe  my birthday had passed. They wanted to plan my birthday at  a bar or a lounge or a nightclub. I straight up said NO.   After I refused to tell them my birth date, they asked me, “What have you experience in college, besides studying? What have you done that when you leave San Diego, you could say that you missed?”

I guess the reason besides me being quiet and not talking to my roommate is because that we are such different people. Her definition of experiencing college is going CLUBBING and going to NIGHTCLUBS and having fun every SINGLE DAY. That is not my definition of “experiencing” college. It’s MY birthday. I had already told them that I didn’t like clubbing and doing stuff like that but they insisted. Why, is my question. Why don’t they respect my wishes? Is that all that life has to offer on birthdays? Clubbing?

Let me tell you what the greatest thing I’ve experience at college and could say that I will miss when I move back home. The greatest thing I’ve experience at college is experiencing God’s love, getting to know Him better, and getting closer to Him. That’s the best thing that college had done for me. Before entering college, God was just a white man in the sky for me. He was just a God I prayed to and not knowing who He is.  Church was just one of the many places I pass by when I go to school or to places. The bible was just another scary book that I was afraid to touch. Now, I read it almost everynight. College is  not about going to some nightclub and wiggling my butt around like a drunk worm.

Experience God is what I will take HOME and continue experiencing, continue loving, and continue having a relationship with. I will look back and will miss the people I meet on this journey, the bible study I secretly attend (but ALMOST won’t be a secret anymore ), and scary rides to church (from Kristy’s driving haha). I will especially miss my apartment, my room where I prayed and read the bible, and where I struggled with everything school had to offer…and of course San Diego and it’s beauty and wonderful places that I’ve been to MIND YOU, ugh. ( you as in my roommates)

So I am proud to say that I have experienced college and no one can change or deny that and will continue to experience forever and always.

<3

I hope they make this someday. No chocolate chips, no cookies, no chucky stuff.  Just mint chocolate.

The media is the reason for all the anorexic people out there trying to get the perfect body. It is sad to see people who don’t feel beautiful in their own skin. I am in no position to make that statement because I do feel that way sometimes, but i learned to love myself for who I am. For who God created me to be. To appreciate God’s masterpiece.  I don’t try to change myself to look like those beautiful robots I see on TV.

Cold weathers make me look anorexic-kind of an embarrassing thing to say, but it’s true.

Parents. Speak to your daughter before the media does!

So this is me….being comfortable in my own skin. ya dig? kidding.

• I enjoy living.
• Call me broke, call me selfish. Because my lucks just hit or miss.
• There is no use to point or accuse. We all got issues.
• In my life I have scolded at innocent people
• My motivation comes from my many failures.
• Daily, I wake up pondering about my future.
• I believe that you gotta have roots before branches.
• I am more willing to take risks as I get older.
• I get so easily touched by every little thing.
• I have a hard time saying ‘I love you’ to the ones dearest to my heart.
• I appreciate my parents more than I will ever be able to tell them.
• I have only experienced good things because of God and never because of me.
• I am a grudge-holder. I can forgive, but I can never forget.
• I am not the best at anything, but I believe I can still be appreciated.
• A good cry relieves me emotionally. It brings renewals to my senses helping me think.
• However, I try not to show weakness.
• I have lost many good friends because boys became their priority.
• Not everything I do in life is a success, but the fact that I have the courage to try something new is enough.
• I have had suicidal thoughts.
• I have been through 1 depression.
• I have had 2 surgeries but I have never broken a bone.
• I avoid drama because life is too short to be a hater.
• I grew up craving individuality, acknowledgment, and identity.
• My identity became a mystery the day my wristband fell off.
• I am never ever thinking about nothing.
• Most of the barriers in my life are made by me and no one else.
• I still wonder what my life would be like if I had still lived in Brooklyn.
• The kind of people in my life, the kind of person I would be, or the morals and values I’d live by.
• I live, I breathe. I make mistakes so senselessly, but I will never fake an apology.
• I am not pixel perfect; But mistakes do not define me, they inform me.
• I have never been proud to hurt somebody.
• I believe that people are beautiful just the way they are.
• However, I see so many beauty flaws in myself.
• I love to be alone, yet at the same time I am always feeling lonely.
• I want a second chance at everything.
• I am not a finished product, but I am slowing beginning to build better things.
• I am not always strong, wise, or confident.
• I have lost many battles and given up many times.
• There are 3 people in my life that truly care about me.
• As a kid, I had dreams to be an astronaut, pilot, and teacher.
• I have always fear what people think of me, but not anymore.
• In truth, I am too sensitive, and easily hurt or offended.
• I grew up yearning for a best friend, but I always find myself pushing people away.
• I don’t know where I’m going with my life right now, but I know God has a plan for me.

Everyday I hope to be a better person.

I am  human. I am Michelle Tien Mach